Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
