So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
