We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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