Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
