i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
