I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
