dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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