i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
