living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
