How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
