the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
