May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
