he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
