I'm lost and stupid without you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
