Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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