Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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