And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
