Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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