i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
