Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
