I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
