i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
