Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
