I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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