Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
should my penis look like a turkey
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
