Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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