He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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