This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
