waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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