Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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