Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
