remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
