$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
