I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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