dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
