well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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