I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
