I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We don't watch enough power rangers
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
