please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
