Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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