I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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