Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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