So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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