Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
