My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
