So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
