So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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