so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
