don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
