I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
