Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
