Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
