Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
