Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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