i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
